Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Saturday, July 26, 2008
My best friend that is a girl has lately been very intent on knowing more about me. We've known each other for many years, but she feels as if the relationship has been one-sided and she doesn't know who I really am. Of course, this involves many questions about many things which include dating, crushes, etc., and the questions are getting more and more probing. I tend to change the subject or insist that it is not something I want to talk about over the phone. Though I never give say anything obvious about being gay, I'm sure the ambiguity of many of my answers has caused her to wonder.
So, I told her that I will be more comfortable answering her questions and talking about my own life when I see her in person. She is in another state, many miles away, and I only see her a few times each year. However, next week, I will go on vacation and make my way through her part of the world.
I've pretty much decided that she will be the first person in my "real world" to whom I will "come out" and I'm pretty sure, unless someone or something convinces me otherwise, that it will happen next week when I see her.
This is huge for me, because it will be the first time that someone who knows other people I know will know that I am gay. She also knows my parents, which is the most nerve-racking part. Who will she tell? Will she be able to keep it a secret? Will she go ballistic and call my parents?
I feel like I can trust her and that with her knowing, she can better support what I'm going through the way I have supported her through many issues in her own life. I'm just a little concerned that she could absolutely refuse to accept it and end our friendship or talk to others about me.
If anyone has any advice on how to make this coming out thing work, I would be very grateful. I would also love to hear your thoughts as to wether or not you think this is a good idea or if it's too risky.
Saturday, July 12, 2008
Sunday, July 6, 2008
1) suggestions that my life would instantly be better and less stressful if I went out and "found me a girl"
2) everyone assuming that the only reason I'm single is that I "haven't found the right one yet" and to "just wait..she will come along"
3) questions like "was she hot?" or "did you see her? why don't you go talk to her?"
4) being set up
5) being told that I'm being prayed for that I will be matched up soon.
What if those who pray such things had their prayer answered and it looked much different than they had imagined? Would they still consider that an answer to prayer? What if I say this is who I am, who God created me to be, and I have been led to accept this--would they deny my own spiritual conscience and assert that they somehow know the ways of God better than I do?
What if those who truly care that wish for me to be happy knew who I really was. Would they wish the same things for me?
I wish I did not have this issue looming over me. It was much easier when I suppressed and ignored it. I have some many other things on my mind and this seems to bully around all of the other urgent things that I need to get done. Sometimes I wonder what more I could accomplish if I were a "normal" man who happened to be straight.