Saturday, July 26, 2008

Planning my first real coming out...

My best friend that is a girl has lately been very intent on knowing more about me.  We've known each other for many years, but she feels as if the relationship has been one-sided and she doesn't know who I really am.  Of course, this involves many questions about many things which include dating, crushes, etc., and the questions are getting more and more probing.  I tend to change the subject or insist that it is not something I want to talk about over the phone. Though I never give say anything obvious about being gay, I'm sure the ambiguity of many of my answers has caused her to wonder. 

So, I told her that I will be more comfortable answering her questions and talking about my own life when I see her in person.  She is in another state, many miles away, and I only see her a few times each year.  However, next week, I will go on vacation and make my way through her part of the world.

I've pretty much decided that she will be the first person in my "real world" to whom I will "come out" and I'm pretty sure, unless someone or something convinces me otherwise, that it will happen next week when I see her.

This is huge for me, because it will be the first time that someone who knows other people I know will know that I am gay. She also knows my parents, which is the most nerve-racking part. Who will she tell? Will she be able to keep it a secret? Will she go ballistic and call my parents?  

I feel like I can trust her and that with her knowing, she can better support what I'm going through the way I have supported her through many issues in her own life. I'm just a little concerned that she could absolutely refuse to accept it and end our friendship or talk to others about me.  

If anyone has any advice on how to make this coming out thing work, I would be very grateful. I would also love to hear your thoughts as to wether or not you think this is a good idea or if it's too risky.


KJ said...

If it's safety without risk, that you seek, then that ship sailed away a long time ago, and I don't think is available at will to followers of The Way of the Cross (Of course, Christian believers frequently seek safety. I just don't think that's the Way of the Cross, which is why we call it "the Way of the Cross. :-) ).

You will know when it is time to share, because you will be able to do no other. Your friend's reaction is nothing that you can control, and at the time of full authenticity, it will be her opportunity to grow, or not. However, even if growth occurs, it's unlikely to be immediate. We spend years getting our spiritual and sexual orientation "ducks in a row," and to think that those with whom we have had long-term relationships within the faith are going to be immediately ecstatic, is likely not realistic, though a real kick in the spiritual bum when it happens.

How's that for a bunch of "double speak?"

Peace, and prayers ascending.

Adam said...

Risk vs. Reward? Are you prepared for the worst case scenario and all that entails? Only you know your friend and the relationship that you've built with her over the years. I wish you the best and hope your friend will be there for you if you do decide to open up.