Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Something freakin' happen already!

I hate how trite this sounds, but I just wish there were someone who would listen!

The closet is killing me at the moment. I know there has to be someone around who can understand but I don't know how to find them because their closet is just as shut as mine.

The church has sort of carved out this whole track my life has been on ever since high school. I have come far, and could go even farther... so long as I continue to fake it.

If I could just have ONE certain affirmation that anyone in my day-to-day life is gay (I do believe lots of folks are, it's just a matter of being sure which ones) with whom I could share support, I would imagine things would be so much easier. If that does not happen, my only hope is to get AWAY to a new place and get into a secular career. The thing that keeps pulling me to stay is that I do have a great love for the people with whom I minister, yet the greatest pain is that they can't help me. They can't even know there's a problem. That is such shit.

I feel like I need something to happen, even if it is drastic.


KJ said...

What saved my sanity when I was still trapped in Evangelical Land, getting my ducks in a row prior to coming out, was involvement in a local chapter of Evangelicals Concerned (EC). Real Christians; real people; real gay (In all the best sense of the phrase.). Of course, that might not be available to you. Look for opportunities for conferences. Some of these are sponsored by EC (There is a western and eastern division.), or there's the Gay Christian Network, and I believe they are having a conference in CA in January. Being around a large group of people, most of who have reconciled their sexuality and spirituality, can be an amazing experience.

Of course, you may also check out a local "ex-gay" ministry, but in my experience, those do not tend to be individuals very happy with who they are since in the church world they pretend to be who they are not.

Peace of Christ

gay, christian and scared shitless said...

bro, im always here