Saturday, December 27, 2008

Next year!

I'm usually not a big "new years resolutions" kind of guy, but this year, i think I'm going to give it a shot. While I have several personal goals, certain ones I think are most appropriate for this blog. They are as follows:

- Construct my very own "defense" for my sexuality. A lot of people have done a lot of work on these sorts of things, and I will draw heavily from their work. However, I feel that is important to articulate it for myself since I supposedly have a theological education, AND I feel like there are few resources that explain the issues in a way that will fly for conservative people who take the Bible very seriously (or at least think they do). If I am ever going to be real with my family and many of my old friends, I am going to have to be very sure about what I believe and why I believe it and be able to converse about it in detail.

- Develop friendships with those in the gay community. As of now, most of my interactions with the gay community have been online through blogging or various other means. Wherever I end up with my career, I want to get plugged in with a group of people with whom I can be myself around even if every other social circle puts up barriers.

- Come out to my close friends. If one of these resolutions is to fail it will be this one, yet it's the one I would like to see happen most of all. I suppose that means it's the riskiest one. I have a couple of very close friends with whom I share much of work and life. At this point, I feel like I am being dishonest with them by not letting them know about this HUGE part of my life.

- Fall in love. No, I don't necessarily mean dating or finding someone to spend my life with, etc. I just want to have a major crush of the Jr. High variety. For so long I have denied that part of my being and I find it hard to be vulnerable to love and romance. I want to get past that and encounter someone that makes me giddy and nervous... someone that will occupy my mind incessantly; someone about whom I can imagine lots of crazy things. For once, I want to feel fully human.

Right now, I cannot imagine what life will be like a year from now. So much has to happen between now and then, and it frightens me. I've never felt so clueless in my life, and I guess it's finally time that I practice what I preach and learn to trust the surprising winds of the Spirit.

1 comment:

Adam said...

I think you're off to a great start, and I hope you find the strength to make them happen. The success or failure of your resolutions will come down to the actions that YOU take. No one else can lead you to your own promised land. Good Luck and Happy New Year!