I'm usually not a big "new years resolutions" kind of guy, but this year, i think I'm going to give it a shot. While I have several personal goals, certain ones I think are most appropriate for this blog. They are as follows:
- Construct my very own "defense" for my sexuality. A lot of people have done a lot of work on these sorts of things, and I will draw heavily from their work. However, I feel that is important to articulate it for myself since I supposedly have a theological education, AND I feel like there are few resources that explain the issues in a way that will fly for conservative people who take the Bible very seriously (or at least think they do). If I am ever going to be real with my family and many of my old friends, I am going to have to be very sure about what I believe and why I believe it and be able to converse about it in detail.
- Develop friendships with those in the gay community. As of now, most of my interactions with the gay community have been online through blogging or various other means. Wherever I end up with my career, I want to get plugged in with a group of people with whom I can be myself around even if every other social circle puts up barriers.
- Come out to my close friends. If one of these resolutions is to fail it will be this one, yet it's the one I would like to see happen most of all. I suppose that means it's the riskiest one. I have a couple of very close friends with whom I share much of work and life. At this point, I feel like I am being dishonest with them by not letting them know about this HUGE part of my life.
- Fall in love. No, I don't necessarily mean dating or finding someone to spend my life with, etc. I just want to have a major crush of the Jr. High variety. For so long I have denied that part of my being and I find it hard to be vulnerable to love and romance. I want to get past that and encounter someone that makes me giddy and nervous... someone that will occupy my mind incessantly; someone about whom I can imagine lots of crazy things. For once, I want to feel fully human.
Right now, I cannot imagine what life will be like a year from now. So much has to happen between now and then, and it frightens me. I've never felt so clueless in my life, and I guess it's finally time that I practice what I preach and learn to trust the surprising winds of the Spirit.