bitchy post

Disclaimer: I'm a total Debbie Downer in this post. Just need to verbalize the bullshit in my head...

It SUCKS that the friends I am closest to have moved away. It sucks even more that I have not come out to them, and I regret it terribly.

It sucks that so many people my age are married and just waiting for the right job, the right paycheck, the right level of boredom (after they finish just 'living') to have kids and raise a family while, if I ever want to raise a family, which I do, I have to finagle my way through a retarded system, most likely loose family, friends, and even career over it, and after all of that even possibly not succeed, and I may or may not have someone to go through that with, or share the joys of raising children. That all really sucks.

I am in such a funk. I have realized this week that EVERY GOD DAMN MAJOR MOVE from this point will be a painful, difficult struggle. Sucks...

I feel pretty utterly helpless and locked in right now. I'm sure I'll feel better in the morning after a night's rest, but in reality not much will be different. I started this blog about a year ago... things were new, fresh, exciting... it was easy to make progress then, because they were such baby steps. Now I have taken all of the baby steps and it's only big boy steps, and I don't wanna take them.

This is enough to drive a maggot crazy.