Disclaimer: I'm a total Debbie Downer in this post. Just need to verbalize the bullshit in my head...
It SUCKS that the friends I am closest to have moved away. It sucks even more that I have not come out to them, and I regret it terribly.
It sucks that so many people my age are married and just waiting for the right job, the right paycheck, the right level of boredom (after they finish just 'living') to have kids and raise a family while, if I ever want to raise a family, which I do, I have to finagle my way through a retarded system, most likely loose family, friends, and even career over it, and after all of that even possibly not succeed, and I may or may not have someone to go through that with, or share the joys of raising children. That all really sucks.
I am in such a funk. I have realized this week that EVERY GOD DAMN MAJOR MOVE from this point will be a painful, difficult struggle. Sucks...
I feel pretty utterly helpless and locked in right now. I'm sure I'll feel better in the morning after a night's rest, but in reality not much will be different. I started this blog about a year ago... things were new, fresh, exciting... it was easy to make progress then, because they were such baby steps. Now I have taken all of the baby steps and it's only big boy steps, and I don't wanna take them.
This is enough to drive a maggot crazy.
Friday, July 31, 2009
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
Another one bites the dust...
Broadway Baptist Church just got voted off the Southern Baptist island. With no argument. Through I think the Southern Baptist Convention is evil and this decision reflects their near consensus of hatred towards gays, from what little I know about the situation, I have little sympathy for this church at this point. They should have pulled the plug on the SBC long before the SBC pulled the plug on them.
http://www.baptiststandard.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=9710&Itemid=53
http://www.baptiststandard.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=9710&Itemid=53
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Oh, the places you'll go.
Attended my first pride parade this weekend. Fabulous times were had by all. More to come later.
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
We all have a face that we hide away forever...
My heart is heavy tonight. So many questions. At every corner, I find something that makes me less and less content to hide, to lie, to deny the very Spirit within me.
I have been reading Anne Lamott, who everyone who has ever been down on themselves should immediately go and read. In Plan B, in a chapter called "silent meditations" she writes of this inspirational speaker with a disfigured face. She quotes a part of his talk in which he said:
This is how I want to feel, not about my face, but about my sexuality--about ME. Right now, I'm only playing into the hatred and fear that are already present within people. We can all be so much more.
I have been reading Anne Lamott, who everyone who has ever been down on themselves should immediately go and read. In Plan B, in a chapter called "silent meditations" she writes of this inspirational speaker with a disfigured face. She quotes a part of his talk in which he said:
"We with facial deformities are children of the dark," he said. "Our shadow is on the outside. And we can see in the dark: we can see you, we see you turn away, but one day we finally understand that you turn away not from our faces but from your own fears. From those things inside you that you think mark you as someone unlovable to your family, and society, and even to God. All those years, I kept bad stories in the dark, but not anymore. Now I am stepping out into the light. And this face has turned out to be an elaborately disguised gift from God."
This is how I want to feel, not about my face, but about my sexuality--about ME. Right now, I'm only playing into the hatred and fear that are already present within people. We can all be so much more.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Home
I'm spending some time with the parents and getting restless as usual.
I wish they could understand. I wish I could just explain things without hurting them. I wish I didn't have to shatter their expectations for me. I wish we could hope for the same things. It's one thing to just be a little different, but to actually say "Hey, I'm going to run against your deeply held, religiously (mis)informed prejudices" is quite a shocker.
Not that I'm anywhere close to telling them these things. But, so many other things we talk about intersect with my sexuality without them even knowing it. To them, it makes no sense that I world work far away from home. They do not understand why I would distance myself from the denomination in which I grew up. They do not understand why I do not want to come home. I can offer many reasons, but I'm sure they all seem silly since deep inside I know the real reason, and I know they cannot handle such truth just yet (if ever).
So, I am torn. Should I suck it up and try to end up somewhere reasonably close to home? Or, should I suck it up and come out? Either way, it's a huge risk. If I chose to work closer to home, it's possible that I come upon a supportive community, but it's very possible that I'm just miserable and in a religious environment that makes me want to puke. OR--I come out and risk total estrangement from the family.
Since both of these options, I have elected for things to remain simply as they are. I don't know if that's best, but it's all I can muster up at the moment.
I hate being sent on a guilt-trip.
I hate being misunderstood.
I hate lying to people I love.
I think all of this is why vacations at home tend to SUCK. I'm forced to deal with these demons.
Anyway, I'll probably be writing more this week as I have not much else to do. TTFN.
I wish they could understand. I wish I could just explain things without hurting them. I wish I didn't have to shatter their expectations for me. I wish we could hope for the same things. It's one thing to just be a little different, but to actually say "Hey, I'm going to run against your deeply held, religiously (mis)informed prejudices" is quite a shocker.
Not that I'm anywhere close to telling them these things. But, so many other things we talk about intersect with my sexuality without them even knowing it. To them, it makes no sense that I world work far away from home. They do not understand why I would distance myself from the denomination in which I grew up. They do not understand why I do not want to come home. I can offer many reasons, but I'm sure they all seem silly since deep inside I know the real reason, and I know they cannot handle such truth just yet (if ever).
So, I am torn. Should I suck it up and try to end up somewhere reasonably close to home? Or, should I suck it up and come out? Either way, it's a huge risk. If I chose to work closer to home, it's possible that I come upon a supportive community, but it's very possible that I'm just miserable and in a religious environment that makes me want to puke. OR--I come out and risk total estrangement from the family.
Since both of these options, I have elected for things to remain simply as they are. I don't know if that's best, but it's all I can muster up at the moment.
I hate being sent on a guilt-trip.
I hate being misunderstood.
I hate lying to people I love.
I think all of this is why vacations at home tend to SUCK. I'm forced to deal with these demons.
Anyway, I'll probably be writing more this week as I have not much else to do. TTFN.
Monday, May 18, 2009
Is it too much to ask for?
This is a work in progress which I will be fleshing out more soon--maybe.
So I'm talking with my good friend who is a girl from back home, and she's in one of her sort of discontent, restless moods and she has to say, "I just want a relationship! Is that too much to ask for?"
Unfortunately, the conversation got changed very quickly, but if I could have responded, I would have said:
Well, honey, actually, according to some, for me, yes, it IS too much to ask for a relationship! There are plenty of arrogant bastards who would say to me that I am called to celibacy because of my homosexuality! My friends, this statement comes entirely out of our cultural captivity and it has NOTHING to do with the Bible or spirituality!
Where does scripture say that homosexuality equals celibacy? Yes, it says some are called to celibacy. No, it does not say that all who are homosexual are called to that! So, perhaps there are homosexuals called to celibacy just as there are heterosexuals called to celibacy.
I see no spiritual grounds to equate homosexuality with celibacy! If there are, I would gladly hear them.
Actually, as I have posted about more extensively before, the Apostle Paul calls everyone to celibacy. Obviously, every Christian did not heed that, so it must be assumed that the vast majority of believers who are in committed relationships are validated in their doing so. So, perhaps it is presumptuous for us to suggest that the few verses on homosexuality mean that we are to be single forever, when the "standard" Paul sets for straights seems to be glossed over and spiritualized.
When are Christians going to wake up and realize that their biases have everything to do with a culture that has told them to reject us and nothing to do with scripture or spiritual insight. When are Christians going to realize that what we are dealing with here is not the abusive, bizarre, negative sorts of relationships with which the few verses that seem to mention homosexuality are about.
I think it's time to say that what we think scripture says about homosexuality quite honestly is absolutely useless and to be ignored as far as determining what is right for individuals who love each other and who are forbidden their full expression in the context of the society or church. There are plenty of scriptures to consider when talking about how to treat loving relationships. Perhaps the scriptures about homosexuality would be more appropriate in preaching against abuse--even that of straight men towards their wives. Perhaps the kinds of things scripture mentions that we think are about homosexuality are really about the people who refuse to live honestly and hurt the women they marry because of the gay relationships they are a part of behind the wife's back. Perhaps it is an abomination to forbid another person from loving in a way that is natural and most beneficial for society--which really is the main thrust of Levitcal law, from what I understand!
Let's not ignore these clinchers verses. Let's get to the root of what they mean for us today and let's proclaim it! It's time for us to define ourselves and not those preaching against us, and it's time for us to be the prophetic voice towards those who hate and harm.
So I'm talking with my good friend who is a girl from back home, and she's in one of her sort of discontent, restless moods and she has to say, "I just want a relationship! Is that too much to ask for?"
Unfortunately, the conversation got changed very quickly, but if I could have responded, I would have said:
Well, honey, actually, according to some, for me, yes, it IS too much to ask for a relationship! There are plenty of arrogant bastards who would say to me that I am called to celibacy because of my homosexuality! My friends, this statement comes entirely out of our cultural captivity and it has NOTHING to do with the Bible or spirituality!
Where does scripture say that homosexuality equals celibacy? Yes, it says some are called to celibacy. No, it does not say that all who are homosexual are called to that! So, perhaps there are homosexuals called to celibacy just as there are heterosexuals called to celibacy.
I see no spiritual grounds to equate homosexuality with celibacy! If there are, I would gladly hear them.
Actually, as I have posted about more extensively before, the Apostle Paul calls everyone to celibacy. Obviously, every Christian did not heed that, so it must be assumed that the vast majority of believers who are in committed relationships are validated in their doing so. So, perhaps it is presumptuous for us to suggest that the few verses on homosexuality mean that we are to be single forever, when the "standard" Paul sets for straights seems to be glossed over and spiritualized.
When are Christians going to wake up and realize that their biases have everything to do with a culture that has told them to reject us and nothing to do with scripture or spiritual insight. When are Christians going to realize that what we are dealing with here is not the abusive, bizarre, negative sorts of relationships with which the few verses that seem to mention homosexuality are about.
I think it's time to say that what we think scripture says about homosexuality quite honestly is absolutely useless and to be ignored as far as determining what is right for individuals who love each other and who are forbidden their full expression in the context of the society or church. There are plenty of scriptures to consider when talking about how to treat loving relationships. Perhaps the scriptures about homosexuality would be more appropriate in preaching against abuse--even that of straight men towards their wives. Perhaps the kinds of things scripture mentions that we think are about homosexuality are really about the people who refuse to live honestly and hurt the women they marry because of the gay relationships they are a part of behind the wife's back. Perhaps it is an abomination to forbid another person from loving in a way that is natural and most beneficial for society--which really is the main thrust of Levitcal law, from what I understand!
Let's not ignore these clinchers verses. Let's get to the root of what they mean for us today and let's proclaim it! It's time for us to define ourselves and not those preaching against us, and it's time for us to be the prophetic voice towards those who hate and harm.
Saturday, May 16, 2009
A New Chapter
Greetings to the few people who stumble across this blog!
A review...
I have not been posting very much lately. If this is your first time to this blog, or if you've been here before, and you want quick run-down of what's happened here so far without reading all of the past posts, here's a quick timeline. I would highly recommend the timeline over actually reading the posts! :-)
June 2008:
- I "came out to myself" and realize that I should not be content to live in the closet forever. Up to this point I had come to grips with the facts that I did not cause my homosexuality, that I cannot change it, and even that it is sinful. However, I still was choosing to not acknowledge publicly that part of my life, choosing instead to focus completely on my work and to live life as a single man. Well, I realized that this would do nothing to help all of those who struggle with similar things, nor would this be an honest way to live. I chose to begin living as the person God uniquely created, for better or for worse, but either way, honestly and at peace.
- First step was a visit to a gay bar while in a far-away city for a seminar. Had a great time exploring the "Gayborhood" and having a great discussion with a bar tender. (Slow night, sweet guy.)
- Next step was to visit a few bars in a city a little closer to where I live--about a two hour drive away. Just looking and observing. Met a guy and got to flirt a little. Lost contact eventually.
- Then I started this blog and began to contact others with similar blogs.
July 2008
- Met someone online and went out to dinner with them. Don't know if you would call it a date. Went hiking later on. A good experience to have, but haven't really remained in contact.
- Had a extremely stressful month and nearly got to my wits end in dealing with my sexuality while maintaining an intense level of activity at work.
August 2008
- Big news: came out to my best girl friend from back home. We are very close, so I knew I could trust her. Turns out, she thought we would get married some day. Had to break her heart. :-( BUT... she did accept me, though she remains entrenched in conservative church and does not as of yet affirm homosexuality as a valid option. We remain in close contact.
- Visited the parents while at home and became very frustrated with the deck of cards I had been dealt. Became very concerned about how the future may pan out.
September 2008
- Ray Boltz comes out of the closet.
- I discover Rachel Maddow! :-)
- I get deep into schoolwork at my seminary and because increasingly frustrated with "moderate" Christians and their lack of courage on the issue of homosexuality.
November 2008
- I attend a retreat for gays of my denomination in a nearby city. Met some wonderful people at a wonderful church. This experience helped me begin to finally form a support group, and I gained a very special friend and mentor who has helped, and continues to help, me to stay sane and to discover many exciting new life experiences. :-)
December 2008
- While at home during Christmas, I get set up on a date with a girl. I was disgusted by my forced phoniness and angry at the increasing pressure for me to get married.
January-May 2009
- Not much happened during this time, except I completed my degree programs and chose to take an offer to remain at work with the community for which I presently serve.
So, now I am in a new stage of life. Let me re-introduce myself.
- I am a twenty-something, "professional" minister. (As in, they pay me to do this.)
- I work in the south, in a rural community, at a church that is of an evangelical, moderate-to-conservative denomination with only a sprinkling of liberals.
- I am in the closet to most everyone in my day-to-day life.
- I have a few very close friends and I want to come out to them very soon.
- I have supportive friends in a nearby city to which I visit occasionally for outside-of-the-closet fun.
- I don't know if I will ever come out to my parents.
- I long for a dating relationship, but I realize that it would probably suck for the other person because of my situation.
- I would like to lovingly guide my pastor and church family to acceptance of gays.
- I'm not sure how I'm going to do the last thing I mentioned.
That's all I can think of at the moment. I will be posting more, now that I am out of school. I learn something every day about all of this, and I hope that all of us out here on the blogosophere can be of help to each other as we try to shatter down the closet door once and for all, and end the ignorance, misunderstanding, bigotry, and hatred that the church has concerning those in every congregation who are gay or lesbian.
Will you come along beside me? Will you lead me? Will you let me lift you up?
May God bless you with eyes for your heart that are enlightened to see a world at peace and every human soul made whole.
A review...
I have not been posting very much lately. If this is your first time to this blog, or if you've been here before, and you want quick run-down of what's happened here so far without reading all of the past posts, here's a quick timeline. I would highly recommend the timeline over actually reading the posts! :-)
June 2008:
- I "came out to myself" and realize that I should not be content to live in the closet forever. Up to this point I had come to grips with the facts that I did not cause my homosexuality, that I cannot change it, and even that it is sinful. However, I still was choosing to not acknowledge publicly that part of my life, choosing instead to focus completely on my work and to live life as a single man. Well, I realized that this would do nothing to help all of those who struggle with similar things, nor would this be an honest way to live. I chose to begin living as the person God uniquely created, for better or for worse, but either way, honestly and at peace.
- First step was a visit to a gay bar while in a far-away city for a seminar. Had a great time exploring the "Gayborhood" and having a great discussion with a bar tender. (Slow night, sweet guy.)
- Next step was to visit a few bars in a city a little closer to where I live--about a two hour drive away. Just looking and observing. Met a guy and got to flirt a little. Lost contact eventually.
- Then I started this blog and began to contact others with similar blogs.
July 2008
- Met someone online and went out to dinner with them. Don't know if you would call it a date. Went hiking later on. A good experience to have, but haven't really remained in contact.
- Had a extremely stressful month and nearly got to my wits end in dealing with my sexuality while maintaining an intense level of activity at work.
August 2008
- Big news: came out to my best girl friend from back home. We are very close, so I knew I could trust her. Turns out, she thought we would get married some day. Had to break her heart. :-( BUT... she did accept me, though she remains entrenched in conservative church and does not as of yet affirm homosexuality as a valid option. We remain in close contact.
- Visited the parents while at home and became very frustrated with the deck of cards I had been dealt. Became very concerned about how the future may pan out.
September 2008
- Ray Boltz comes out of the closet.
- I discover Rachel Maddow! :-)
- I get deep into schoolwork at my seminary and because increasingly frustrated with "moderate" Christians and their lack of courage on the issue of homosexuality.
November 2008
- I attend a retreat for gays of my denomination in a nearby city. Met some wonderful people at a wonderful church. This experience helped me begin to finally form a support group, and I gained a very special friend and mentor who has helped, and continues to help, me to stay sane and to discover many exciting new life experiences. :-)
December 2008
- While at home during Christmas, I get set up on a date with a girl. I was disgusted by my forced phoniness and angry at the increasing pressure for me to get married.
January-May 2009
- Not much happened during this time, except I completed my degree programs and chose to take an offer to remain at work with the community for which I presently serve.
So, now I am in a new stage of life. Let me re-introduce myself.
- I am a twenty-something, "professional" minister. (As in, they pay me to do this.)
- I work in the south, in a rural community, at a church that is of an evangelical, moderate-to-conservative denomination with only a sprinkling of liberals.
- I am in the closet to most everyone in my day-to-day life.
- I have a few very close friends and I want to come out to them very soon.
- I have supportive friends in a nearby city to which I visit occasionally for outside-of-the-closet fun.
- I don't know if I will ever come out to my parents.
- I long for a dating relationship, but I realize that it would probably suck for the other person because of my situation.
- I would like to lovingly guide my pastor and church family to acceptance of gays.
- I'm not sure how I'm going to do the last thing I mentioned.
That's all I can think of at the moment. I will be posting more, now that I am out of school. I learn something every day about all of this, and I hope that all of us out here on the blogosophere can be of help to each other as we try to shatter down the closet door once and for all, and end the ignorance, misunderstanding, bigotry, and hatred that the church has concerning those in every congregation who are gay or lesbian.
Will you come along beside me? Will you lead me? Will you let me lift you up?
May God bless you with eyes for your heart that are enlightened to see a world at peace and every human soul made whole.
Saturday, May 9, 2009
Saturday, May 2, 2009
Song of the Open Road
Here is a beautiful poem by Walt Whitman, adapted by composer Norman Dello Joio.
Hello! Hello! Whoever you are, come travel with me,
Whoever you are.
We will sail pathless and wild seas,
We will go where waves dash and winds blow.
Oh! Hello! Hello! Whoever you are, come travel with me.
Come on! Come on! Wherever you are,
Look around! Look around!
You will find what never tires.
Come on! Come on, and join hands,
Know what it is as you pass to be loved by strangers.
Take to the open road, healthy and free,
Take the long path leading wherever I choose,
I travel with the wide world before me,
The earth expanding, the music sounding.
Hello! Hello! Wherever you are,
Come on! Come on! Whoever you are,
Join hands and travel with me.
I ordain myself loosed from imaginary limits.
From this hour I shall live as my own master,
Searching, receiving and listening,
Breaking the bonds that would hold me.
Sing a song of the open road, for here is space and here a great deed has room.
Sing a song of the highway I travel,
For here is the test of a wisdom, a wisdom that is of the soul.
Take warning of those who would hold you.
The mocking and bat-eyed men.
Take your love on the road with you,
Gather the minds of men out of their brains,
Gather love out of men’s hearts,
The universe is a path that is endless
The universe itself is a road.
Come forth, my call is the call of battle.
Going with me you must go well armed.
Come forth, come forth and travel with me.
I give you my hand.
I give you my love
I give you myself.
Will you give me yourself?
Will you travel with me?
The road is before us, I give you my hand,
Shall we stick by each other as long as we live?
Whoever you are.
Wherever you are.
Come on and travel with me.
Hello! Hello! Whoever you are, come travel with me,
Whoever you are.
We will sail pathless and wild seas,
We will go where waves dash and winds blow.
Oh! Hello! Hello! Whoever you are, come travel with me.
Come on! Come on! Wherever you are,
Look around! Look around!
You will find what never tires.
Come on! Come on, and join hands,
Know what it is as you pass to be loved by strangers.
Take to the open road, healthy and free,
Take the long path leading wherever I choose,
I travel with the wide world before me,
The earth expanding, the music sounding.
Hello! Hello! Wherever you are,
Come on! Come on! Whoever you are,
Join hands and travel with me.
I ordain myself loosed from imaginary limits.
From this hour I shall live as my own master,
Searching, receiving and listening,
Breaking the bonds that would hold me.
Sing a song of the open road, for here is space and here a great deed has room.
Sing a song of the highway I travel,
For here is the test of a wisdom, a wisdom that is of the soul.
Take warning of those who would hold you.
The mocking and bat-eyed men.
Take your love on the road with you,
Gather the minds of men out of their brains,
Gather love out of men’s hearts,
The universe is a path that is endless
The universe itself is a road.
Come forth, my call is the call of battle.
Going with me you must go well armed.
Come forth, come forth and travel with me.
I give you my hand.
I give you my love
I give you myself.
Will you give me yourself?
Will you travel with me?
The road is before us, I give you my hand,
Shall we stick by each other as long as we live?
Whoever you are.
Wherever you are.
Come on and travel with me.
Monday, March 30, 2009
Jay Brannan
Jay Brannan seems to have articulated exactly how I see myself vs. the world as a gay person. Read it:
the big annoying GAY factor
Then, visit his website if you are not already familiar with his music: http://www.jaybrannan.com/
the big annoying GAY factor
Then, visit his website if you are not already familiar with his music: http://www.jaybrannan.com/
Friday, March 27, 2009
Good morning, CNN!
I don't usually post these kinds of things.. but MAN! Couldn't resist this one.
Rob Marciano
Click here for more pics and a really fun, related blog.
Rob Marciano
Click here for more pics and a really fun, related blog.
Sunday, March 22, 2009
Moving forward..
So, here's a sober post for once.
Concerning the previous post, the insanity has subsided. I can once again be productive and think at least somewhat clearly on occasion. It helps that work has been adequately distracting and there will be no more party time for a while.
The following is way too long and wordy. It's just my attempt to get some thoughts written out. I will probably make them much more precise very soon, but for the meantime, here is what I'm up to...
This phase of life--seminary-- will be over very soon (Thanks GAWD!). I have even settled on what I will be doing afterwards and it's not what I would have expected just a short time ago. I will remain at work in a community that i love early and one that loves me as well. This is an opportunity for which I am grateful and, though the time I stay will likely not be terribly long, I wish to make the most of it.
This is not what I expected. What i expected was to find a very progressive church I would work and be totally open about who I am. I would have loved to end up in a great, diverse city. But... I'll be in a place that's pretty much opposite of that, and I am strangely comfortable with the idea.
What good would it do for me to work in a place where I can only affirm existing attitudes. What good would it do to condemn hatred and bigotry from those places where one would expect to hear such messages. Though I am in no way condemning those type of places and I do expect to be in that type of environment some day, for this season in my life, I feel called to be present in a place where there is indeed a lack of understand that leads to exclusion and yes, even hate.
I wouldn't just go to any backwoods community. But I'm staying, because I know these people. I have given these people all I have to give. We have been seen difficulties and successes together and we have grown together. By letting me stay past this point they have essentially endorsed who they know me to be and what I am doing.
So, my vision is this: to get to know me even a little more. To know me for who I really am. If i were to reveal such things in love, would they reject me? I have a hard time believe they would.
So, if they would accept me, could they begin to accept others as well?
Here's my theory. Everyone knows families who have had a kid come out as gay. Though the family struggles for a while, in many cases (though I admit, definitely not all of them) the families at least come to a tolerance if not a full acceptance of that child. When someone who is very close comes out, it becomes so much easier to accept their sexuality because you wish to accept the person. However, the friends of this family may not feel the same way. It doesn't affect them quite as directly. They can remove themselves from the situation and cast judgments on the person and on the family.
This community has fell in love with many ministers who they discover are gay only after they are long gone--only after they are out of sight. When this usually happens, the rumors abound, and, as rumors usually do, they grow and get bigger and bigger. Before long people are talking of this person who has fallen in to debauchery and sin and living this disgusting, immoral life... etc. You know the kind of perceptions of which I speak.
What if this community could come to know of one's sexuality before they are long gone, indeed, while they are still working and serving in their midst. Would it be so easy to judge? Would the rumors grow so large if this person in is plain sight and pouring his heart out like always?
This is my hope. Just as a family learns to tolerate and/or accept a gay child, I feel like my family that is this larger community in which I work can come to accept me as who I am as well. And then, as I move on, I leave behind a community that loves without exclusion... maybe not always perfectly.. but always mindful of a specific face before they hate another sister or brother.
I know this is a lofty dream. This must happen in an altogether unlikely place with an altogether unlikely group of people. It may blow up in my face, but at least I know I tried. What good is a prophet in his own country? I could preach all of this to people who already agree with myself until we're all blue in the face, but who has it benefitted? I could preach this in the last place where I, or anyone else, would want to endure the repercussions of it... and possibly transform a community into one that cares for everyone around them and nurtures its people rather than one which ridicules those who are different.
So, for now, that is my dream. We'll see how this goes!
Concerning the previous post, the insanity has subsided. I can once again be productive and think at least somewhat clearly on occasion. It helps that work has been adequately distracting and there will be no more party time for a while.
The following is way too long and wordy. It's just my attempt to get some thoughts written out. I will probably make them much more precise very soon, but for the meantime, here is what I'm up to...
This phase of life--seminary-- will be over very soon (Thanks GAWD!). I have even settled on what I will be doing afterwards and it's not what I would have expected just a short time ago. I will remain at work in a community that i love early and one that loves me as well. This is an opportunity for which I am grateful and, though the time I stay will likely not be terribly long, I wish to make the most of it.
This is not what I expected. What i expected was to find a very progressive church I would work and be totally open about who I am. I would have loved to end up in a great, diverse city. But... I'll be in a place that's pretty much opposite of that, and I am strangely comfortable with the idea.
What good would it do for me to work in a place where I can only affirm existing attitudes. What good would it do to condemn hatred and bigotry from those places where one would expect to hear such messages. Though I am in no way condemning those type of places and I do expect to be in that type of environment some day, for this season in my life, I feel called to be present in a place where there is indeed a lack of understand that leads to exclusion and yes, even hate.
I wouldn't just go to any backwoods community. But I'm staying, because I know these people. I have given these people all I have to give. We have been seen difficulties and successes together and we have grown together. By letting me stay past this point they have essentially endorsed who they know me to be and what I am doing.
So, my vision is this: to get to know me even a little more. To know me for who I really am. If i were to reveal such things in love, would they reject me? I have a hard time believe they would.
So, if they would accept me, could they begin to accept others as well?
Here's my theory. Everyone knows families who have had a kid come out as gay. Though the family struggles for a while, in many cases (though I admit, definitely not all of them) the families at least come to a tolerance if not a full acceptance of that child. When someone who is very close comes out, it becomes so much easier to accept their sexuality because you wish to accept the person. However, the friends of this family may not feel the same way. It doesn't affect them quite as directly. They can remove themselves from the situation and cast judgments on the person and on the family.
This community has fell in love with many ministers who they discover are gay only after they are long gone--only after they are out of sight. When this usually happens, the rumors abound, and, as rumors usually do, they grow and get bigger and bigger. Before long people are talking of this person who has fallen in to debauchery and sin and living this disgusting, immoral life... etc. You know the kind of perceptions of which I speak.
What if this community could come to know of one's sexuality before they are long gone, indeed, while they are still working and serving in their midst. Would it be so easy to judge? Would the rumors grow so large if this person in is plain sight and pouring his heart out like always?
This is my hope. Just as a family learns to tolerate and/or accept a gay child, I feel like my family that is this larger community in which I work can come to accept me as who I am as well. And then, as I move on, I leave behind a community that loves without exclusion... maybe not always perfectly.. but always mindful of a specific face before they hate another sister or brother.
I know this is a lofty dream. This must happen in an altogether unlikely place with an altogether unlikely group of people. It may blow up in my face, but at least I know I tried. What good is a prophet in his own country? I could preach all of this to people who already agree with myself until we're all blue in the face, but who has it benefitted? I could preach this in the last place where I, or anyone else, would want to endure the repercussions of it... and possibly transform a community into one that cares for everyone around them and nurtures its people rather than one which ridicules those who are different.
So, for now, that is my dream. We'll see how this goes!
Sunday, March 15, 2009
My 12 year old emotions...
(rambling ahead)
uh oh. I don't know if I can stand this. I was doing just fine with my repressed emotions. lol. I had to go and look around and now I've ended up falling for someone with whom I have not even had a substantial conversation. I freak out every time I get a text message. Then I freak out as I wonder if I replied the wrong way.. if I coming off as stalkerish, boring, pretentious, needy, etc. I mean, it's probably someone that I would NEVER work well with as far as a relationship is concerned... we're so very different. But they're there.. and they're so pretty... and I can't freaking concentrate.
I really need to be able to concentrate at this very precise juncture in my life. There will be plenty of time for letting my thoughts run wild. But right now, I can't seem to stop it! I've opened up something that I can't seem to close. I know... it's all silly.. but I just can't shake it off.
Damn! Wouldn't I have been better off just staying retreated in my hole somewhere?
This boy is the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing that I think about as I fall to sleep.. which I have a hard time doing as I think about him.
What the fuck is wrong with me? I don't get like this. Ever!!! I'm in control, I've got my shit together... except when it's not, when is right now!
There's a reason most people have these kinds of experiences when they're teenagers and still stupid enough to not realize it's wrecking their life! LOL
uh oh. I don't know if I can stand this. I was doing just fine with my repressed emotions. lol. I had to go and look around and now I've ended up falling for someone with whom I have not even had a substantial conversation. I freak out every time I get a text message. Then I freak out as I wonder if I replied the wrong way.. if I coming off as stalkerish, boring, pretentious, needy, etc. I mean, it's probably someone that I would NEVER work well with as far as a relationship is concerned... we're so very different. But they're there.. and they're so pretty... and I can't freaking concentrate.
I really need to be able to concentrate at this very precise juncture in my life. There will be plenty of time for letting my thoughts run wild. But right now, I can't seem to stop it! I've opened up something that I can't seem to close. I know... it's all silly.. but I just can't shake it off.
Damn! Wouldn't I have been better off just staying retreated in my hole somewhere?
This boy is the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing that I think about as I fall to sleep.. which I have a hard time doing as I think about him.
What the fuck is wrong with me? I don't get like this. Ever!!! I'm in control, I've got my shit together... except when it's not, when is right now!
There's a reason most people have these kinds of experiences when they're teenagers and still stupid enough to not realize it's wrecking their life! LOL
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Tuesday, March 3, 2009
Where I am
I haven't posted in a while, but I don't want to leave this behind just yet, so here's sort of a rambling update.
It'd mid-semester and crazy as usual. The course work is not so hard this semester, but with graduation and the future very near in the future, stress levels are about as high as they usually are.
The gay thing... well I've sort of turned that off here lately. I do tend to speak a bit more openly about what I think about such things as Christianity and homosexuality, gay marriage, etc., and I also don't really put up much of a front any more. I pretty much say "not interested in dating" and don't try to pretend like I want to date women. Basically I do everything except officially say "I'm gay." Maybe some people have figured it out.. maybe they're still clueless. I don't know, and I don't particularly care what they think at this point. I just need this season to pass.
I do have a new friend in town who I met online, and we hang out every now and then. It's a nice low-expectations kind of friendship and we seem very comfortable when we're hanging out. I do freak out sometimes about going to public places... movie theaters, restaurants, bars, etc. because he is not in my usual "social circle" so I'm not sure how I would answer questions like "hey, who are you?" if I ran into someone I know. I really hate being that way, but that part of my life is still there.
My future place of employment may turn out to be something I was not expecting. That is, I might be staying where I currently am. I have mixed motions about this. I love the people, but I don't see myself making much personal progress while here. I will still have to compartmentalize different aspects of my life. But, on the other hand, I have great empathy for places like this, and I wish I could help bring about the needed change there. In order to do that, I have to be present. It's not forever.. we'll see how it turns out.
Things are generally good... I just need some direction at the moment.
Peace to you! Please comment and tell me how YOU are doing.
It'd mid-semester and crazy as usual. The course work is not so hard this semester, but with graduation and the future very near in the future, stress levels are about as high as they usually are.
The gay thing... well I've sort of turned that off here lately. I do tend to speak a bit more openly about what I think about such things as Christianity and homosexuality, gay marriage, etc., and I also don't really put up much of a front any more. I pretty much say "not interested in dating" and don't try to pretend like I want to date women. Basically I do everything except officially say "I'm gay." Maybe some people have figured it out.. maybe they're still clueless. I don't know, and I don't particularly care what they think at this point. I just need this season to pass.
I do have a new friend in town who I met online, and we hang out every now and then. It's a nice low-expectations kind of friendship and we seem very comfortable when we're hanging out. I do freak out sometimes about going to public places... movie theaters, restaurants, bars, etc. because he is not in my usual "social circle" so I'm not sure how I would answer questions like "hey, who are you?" if I ran into someone I know. I really hate being that way, but that part of my life is still there.
My future place of employment may turn out to be something I was not expecting. That is, I might be staying where I currently am. I have mixed motions about this. I love the people, but I don't see myself making much personal progress while here. I will still have to compartmentalize different aspects of my life. But, on the other hand, I have great empathy for places like this, and I wish I could help bring about the needed change there. In order to do that, I have to be present. It's not forever.. we'll see how it turns out.
Things are generally good... I just need some direction at the moment.
Peace to you! Please comment and tell me how YOU are doing.
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Haggard's latest
Go over to towleroad and read this about the new Ted Haggard scandal.
This makes me hate conservative Christianity.
I get so tired of the bullshit. Haggard gets found out, says it didn't happen. Then he says it did, but only once. Then evangelical leaders say they can fix him. Then they said they did. Then Haggard says well not exactly and that he still loves his wife and is so "hurt" by his God-damned church. Then this comes out, that he had a sexual relationship with a 20 year old man at his church--like it's really a big surprise! Meanwhile Haggard is still on this money-making kick saying that his sexuality is a result of abuse or some shit like that, and that the church has dealt with him unfairly.
Maybe the church has dealt with him unfairly, but it's a church that HE built, and they're using the same hateful rhetoric for which he gave precedence.
I shed a tear when I watched that video above. Not because I feel such great compassion for these people involved, but because I'm so damn angry and so tired of the bullshit! I get tired of the facade that Christians put up. I get tired of the superficial standards that we assume are Christian. I get so tired of churches who hold on to what they think the Bible says about homosexuality all the while they are molesting people and paying others off not to tell.
Moments like this, I'm not sure the diplomatic, slow, pastoral way of dealing with things is most appropriate. Jesus had his patient, compassionate, shepherding side, but he also had his furious, direct, confrontational and unrelenting way of doing things. On this issue, we need the latter. We need to start calling bull shit when we see it. We need to break away from the whole system of shallow spiritual formation that leads so many faithful people to close their mind and mindlessly accept the dogma that is preached at them. It's time to be real, to drop the flowery Christian-ese, and tell it like it is.
I think I am angry because I feel caught right in the middle of this. I've been led along to a career path to serve a church that says I do not conform to their status quo. I'm surrounded by people who want to be open minded and tolerant, yet they can't let go of the old habits, the old language, and the old beliefs--and these things seem to ALWAYS trump their acceptance of those who are different. Everyone seems to be hoping this will get resolved, but they don't want to be the ones to speak up and make things different.
It will probably take way more than one person, but I feel like I am supposed to be one of those people. I pray that I have the courage to be one of those people. However, we will need advocates: in particular, straight, white males in leadership. We can march, we can scream, but we can't change anything until someone from the "other side" buys it. How many more pastors have to get caught in this destructive cycle? How many more 20 year olds will be seduced by sexually oppressed men in positions of authority? How many more dollars will be spent to maintain the appearance that everything is ok?
This makes me hate conservative Christianity.
I get so tired of the bullshit. Haggard gets found out, says it didn't happen. Then he says it did, but only once. Then evangelical leaders say they can fix him. Then they said they did. Then Haggard says well not exactly and that he still loves his wife and is so "hurt" by his God-damned church. Then this comes out, that he had a sexual relationship with a 20 year old man at his church--like it's really a big surprise! Meanwhile Haggard is still on this money-making kick saying that his sexuality is a result of abuse or some shit like that, and that the church has dealt with him unfairly.
Maybe the church has dealt with him unfairly, but it's a church that HE built, and they're using the same hateful rhetoric for which he gave precedence.
I shed a tear when I watched that video above. Not because I feel such great compassion for these people involved, but because I'm so damn angry and so tired of the bullshit! I get tired of the facade that Christians put up. I get tired of the superficial standards that we assume are Christian. I get so tired of churches who hold on to what they think the Bible says about homosexuality all the while they are molesting people and paying others off not to tell.
Moments like this, I'm not sure the diplomatic, slow, pastoral way of dealing with things is most appropriate. Jesus had his patient, compassionate, shepherding side, but he also had his furious, direct, confrontational and unrelenting way of doing things. On this issue, we need the latter. We need to start calling bull shit when we see it. We need to break away from the whole system of shallow spiritual formation that leads so many faithful people to close their mind and mindlessly accept the dogma that is preached at them. It's time to be real, to drop the flowery Christian-ese, and tell it like it is.
I think I am angry because I feel caught right in the middle of this. I've been led along to a career path to serve a church that says I do not conform to their status quo. I'm surrounded by people who want to be open minded and tolerant, yet they can't let go of the old habits, the old language, and the old beliefs--and these things seem to ALWAYS trump their acceptance of those who are different. Everyone seems to be hoping this will get resolved, but they don't want to be the ones to speak up and make things different.
It will probably take way more than one person, but I feel like I am supposed to be one of those people. I pray that I have the courage to be one of those people. However, we will need advocates: in particular, straight, white males in leadership. We can march, we can scream, but we can't change anything until someone from the "other side" buys it. How many more pastors have to get caught in this destructive cycle? How many more 20 year olds will be seduced by sexually oppressed men in positions of authority? How many more dollars will be spent to maintain the appearance that everything is ok?
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Peggy Campolo is a Baptist Saint!
Read this! http://www.abpnews.com/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=3469&Itemid=9
"The anguish and despair I have seen in the Christian gay community does not allow time for such a scholarly approach to be our first move. We who are called to love our neighbors as ourselves must get to know and listen to them NOW."
Friday, January 16, 2009
Drinking and other random statements
- If I don't stop the random heavy drinking it's going to result in me throwing my own gay pride parade out of the closet.
- Met someone new from in town yesterday. We went out for a couple of beers. It will be nice to have a gay friend close by. It was very strange and nerve wracking to be seen out with a guy who is not already in my social circle. I don't think my cover was blown or anything--we tended to avoid the more popular spots.
- Pretty sure another friend is just waiting on me to come out to him. I mean, what kind of question is "so tell me your dirty secrets?" !!!
- Met someone new from in town yesterday. We went out for a couple of beers. It will be nice to have a gay friend close by. It was very strange and nerve wracking to be seen out with a guy who is not already in my social circle. I don't think my cover was blown or anything--we tended to avoid the more popular spots.
- Pretty sure another friend is just waiting on me to come out to him. I mean, what kind of question is "so tell me your dirty secrets?" !!!
Sunday, January 11, 2009
It's a new day ... and I'm feelin' good
I can't believe it's only been a week since the last time I posted--so much seems to have happened. I don't really have a direction to go here, but I need to process what's going on in my head... WARNING: This is uninteresting reading, sorry.
Last Saturday - I had the weekend off, so I decided I would stay the night in Dallas (yes, that narrows my location down a bit) and visit a few churches on Sunday morning (yes, I am a nerd). With a few hours left before it was reasonable to go to sleep, I chose to hang out at a bar or two. It was fun enough--I enjoy the people watching--especially of people who are not trying to hide their sexuality. It's helpful to be reminded there are others. Anyway, drinking alone is always kind of awkward and annoying, especially with the social skills of a 12 year old :-) so I did not tarry long.
Last Sunday - This day was SO MUCH FUN--just seeing three totally different churches do their thing. Two of them are worth mentioning, one of which bills itself as the "largest liberal(/gay) church in the world." I had almost decided against visiting this church. I watch them often online. I didn't know how I felt about a "gay" church (it sort of reminded me of "cowboy" churches or other affinity oriented congregations) and it seemed as if their service can be a little over the top at times.
Boy, was it ever over the topic and I LOVED it! The heartiness of the singing, the sincerity of of the worship, the warmth of the community... it was simply a very special experience that seemed to be what church and religion should be all about. These people believe in love and they have a very real hope of a better world and a pretty good idea of what that could look like. I left that place believing like I have not in a very long time. I could go on...
Another church I visited was much more along the lines of a traditional, urban church--unlike the first church I mentioned. But the refreshing thing there was the diversity of the people that was neither paraded or hidden. People seemed to genuinely love and accept each other, and it was this love and acceptance that has kept the "gay issue" from being an issue. This congregation did not have to vote on whether or not they will accept gays and lesbians, it simply made sense if they truly were to believe what they said they believed in.
Saturday I saw Milk with a great new friend. I had no idea how long the struggle for gay rights has been going on. I always assumed this was a new thing, but no... people have been fighting over this for well over 30 years and ignorance still pervades. In many ways this film simply pissed me off, and it confirmed once again that the closet is EVIL and it's not where I should be. It helps no one. On the other hand, if I were out, I could be more open with a lot of people about the hell we go through and give them a name to go with these "queers" that seem to incite so much fear.. that name would be MINE.
Really the only factors holding me back are: successfully completing my degree program and the parents. Concerning the parents.. they are becoming unbearable. I'm pretty sure they would love me and not disown me if I were out (and if they DID disown me then that would be my invitation to ignore them forever)... but really the thing that makes it so impossible for me to come out to my parents is is the shitty way I would feel over the grief that I would cause them. They would go into mourning, seriously! It would make them literally sick, and the stress would pervade their life for months. Sure, the stress of being gay lasts my whole life and it's not going away--but I can deal with it, I can manage it, I can control it... I can't control my parents' stress. I can't get them up to speed on the thing that I've been thinking about for years. It just sucks--big time--and I'm not sure I'll ever bother with coming out to them.
Other than that, however, I'm feeling good. I'm enlarging my network of support, I'm loving my job, my faith is vital, and I have real hope. This year is going to be a good year, and it's going to be a pivotal year on many levels. Life one year--even a few months--from now is going to look much different and I cannot even imagine what will happen within the next year. These are exciting times.. and I'm ready.
Last Saturday - I had the weekend off, so I decided I would stay the night in Dallas (yes, that narrows my location down a bit) and visit a few churches on Sunday morning (yes, I am a nerd). With a few hours left before it was reasonable to go to sleep, I chose to hang out at a bar or two. It was fun enough--I enjoy the people watching--especially of people who are not trying to hide their sexuality. It's helpful to be reminded there are others. Anyway, drinking alone is always kind of awkward and annoying, especially with the social skills of a 12 year old :-) so I did not tarry long.
Last Sunday - This day was SO MUCH FUN--just seeing three totally different churches do their thing. Two of them are worth mentioning, one of which bills itself as the "largest liberal(/gay) church in the world." I had almost decided against visiting this church. I watch them often online. I didn't know how I felt about a "gay" church (it sort of reminded me of "cowboy" churches or other affinity oriented congregations) and it seemed as if their service can be a little over the top at times.
Boy, was it ever over the topic and I LOVED it! The heartiness of the singing, the sincerity of of the worship, the warmth of the community... it was simply a very special experience that seemed to be what church and religion should be all about. These people believe in love and they have a very real hope of a better world and a pretty good idea of what that could look like. I left that place believing like I have not in a very long time. I could go on...
Another church I visited was much more along the lines of a traditional, urban church--unlike the first church I mentioned. But the refreshing thing there was the diversity of the people that was neither paraded or hidden. People seemed to genuinely love and accept each other, and it was this love and acceptance that has kept the "gay issue" from being an issue. This congregation did not have to vote on whether or not they will accept gays and lesbians, it simply made sense if they truly were to believe what they said they believed in.
Saturday I saw Milk with a great new friend. I had no idea how long the struggle for gay rights has been going on. I always assumed this was a new thing, but no... people have been fighting over this for well over 30 years and ignorance still pervades. In many ways this film simply pissed me off, and it confirmed once again that the closet is EVIL and it's not where I should be. It helps no one. On the other hand, if I were out, I could be more open with a lot of people about the hell we go through and give them a name to go with these "queers" that seem to incite so much fear.. that name would be MINE.
Really the only factors holding me back are: successfully completing my degree program and the parents. Concerning the parents.. they are becoming unbearable. I'm pretty sure they would love me and not disown me if I were out (and if they DID disown me then that would be my invitation to ignore them forever)... but really the thing that makes it so impossible for me to come out to my parents is is the shitty way I would feel over the grief that I would cause them. They would go into mourning, seriously! It would make them literally sick, and the stress would pervade their life for months. Sure, the stress of being gay lasts my whole life and it's not going away--but I can deal with it, I can manage it, I can control it... I can't control my parents' stress. I can't get them up to speed on the thing that I've been thinking about for years. It just sucks--big time--and I'm not sure I'll ever bother with coming out to them.
Other than that, however, I'm feeling good. I'm enlarging my network of support, I'm loving my job, my faith is vital, and I have real hope. This year is going to be a good year, and it's going to be a pivotal year on many levels. Life one year--even a few months--from now is going to look much different and I cannot even imagine what will happen within the next year. These are exciting times.. and I'm ready.
Friday, January 2, 2009
My Take on Warren
Ok, this is my own lame contribution to the many words being said about the Warren-Obama-Inauguration-Prayer issue. To all the gays: CALM DOWN.
You're forgetting something very important. EVANGELICALS ARE VERY EASILY DUPED.
Obama is a smart politician. He never (rarely) takes anything back. There have been numerous decisions that many pushed back against, yet in the long run they were effective decisions, and I firmly believe the Warren thing is the same kind of well-thought kind of decision.
Back to my point... EVANGELICALS ARE VERY EASILY DUPED. I mean, George W. is not an exclusivist, nor is he a Biblical literalist, but the evangelicals were all DUPED into thinking that he shared their shallow, ignorant religion. (Not that G.W.'s religion is deep and informed or anything...)
I'm at home for the holidays, and attended my parents' (uber conservative) church this past Sunday. After the service, I happened to overhear some women bitching about Obama when one of them said, "well at least he asked Rick Warren to do the prayer!" to which all the other women agreed with enthusiasm.
I know these women, and for them to say ANYTHING positive about:
- a black man
- a liberal
- a democrat
- Barack Obama
...is HUGE. These are the same bitches that send around emails saying Obama is the anti-Christ, or an Arab terrorist, etc. Just as easily as they believe that kind of bullshit, they can believe that Obama can become "one of us" just by asking a light-weight preacher like Rick Warren to deliver a stupid prayer.
Now, concerning the negative effects this has on the movements for gay equality: what are they?? There are none that I can think of. Would there be negative effects if Obama was solidly liberal in every choice he made? Absolutely! That would energize the evangelicals like we've never seen and society would regress 50 years! What Obama has done in this decision, and in others, is to sort of appease these masses rather than inciting them. They're definitely not on Obama's side, but they're not angry, and, from what I've seen while at home, many folks (very Republican, conservative folks) even seem hopeful that he is going to be good for the economy.
So, if by NOT asking Warren, or by rescinding his decision, nothing is really done FOR gay rights, and if by asking him, nothing is really done AGAINST gay rights (it's not like this is tied to ANY policy decision of Obama's) but rather, a lot of unlikely people are turned on to a president that will likely push for greater rights for gays, then I think Warren and his little prayer should stay in the bulletin.
You're forgetting something very important. EVANGELICALS ARE VERY EASILY DUPED.
Obama is a smart politician. He never (rarely) takes anything back. There have been numerous decisions that many pushed back against, yet in the long run they were effective decisions, and I firmly believe the Warren thing is the same kind of well-thought kind of decision.
Back to my point... EVANGELICALS ARE VERY EASILY DUPED. I mean, George W. is not an exclusivist, nor is he a Biblical literalist, but the evangelicals were all DUPED into thinking that he shared their shallow, ignorant religion. (Not that G.W.'s religion is deep and informed or anything...)
I'm at home for the holidays, and attended my parents' (uber conservative) church this past Sunday. After the service, I happened to overhear some women bitching about Obama when one of them said, "well at least he asked Rick Warren to do the prayer!" to which all the other women agreed with enthusiasm.
I know these women, and for them to say ANYTHING positive about:
- a black man
- a liberal
- a democrat
- Barack Obama
...is HUGE. These are the same bitches that send around emails saying Obama is the anti-Christ, or an Arab terrorist, etc. Just as easily as they believe that kind of bullshit, they can believe that Obama can become "one of us" just by asking a light-weight preacher like Rick Warren to deliver a stupid prayer.
Now, concerning the negative effects this has on the movements for gay equality: what are they?? There are none that I can think of. Would there be negative effects if Obama was solidly liberal in every choice he made? Absolutely! That would energize the evangelicals like we've never seen and society would regress 50 years! What Obama has done in this decision, and in others, is to sort of appease these masses rather than inciting them. They're definitely not on Obama's side, but they're not angry, and, from what I've seen while at home, many folks (very Republican, conservative folks) even seem hopeful that he is going to be good for the economy.
So, if by NOT asking Warren, or by rescinding his decision, nothing is really done FOR gay rights, and if by asking him, nothing is really done AGAINST gay rights (it's not like this is tied to ANY policy decision of Obama's) but rather, a lot of unlikely people are turned on to a president that will likely push for greater rights for gays, then I think Warren and his little prayer should stay in the bulletin.
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